Step 9: The Best 5 Tips for Living Amends

Perhaps the person is no longer living, or you no longer have contact with them and reestablishing contact would cause more harm. However, even if you feel extremely motivated to make direct amends, it is advisable to take your time with this step. Make sure that you are comfortable with your progress during recovery and that both you and the other person are ready to engage in the process. When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze. After all, I hadn’t hurt anyone (Step 8), so I didn’t need to make any amends (Step 9). In fact, every day I make a living amends to my husband, son, Mom, and brother Ricky.

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Once you enter into sobriety, there isn’t a set timeline for working Steps 8 and 9, so you might want to ask your sponsor and recovery support network for their insights about whether you’re ready. In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine. No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose.

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He has worked in various roles, including benefits analyst, admissions coordinator and business development specialist. Alec is passionate about providing the best possible care living amends meaning to individuals struggling to overcome addiction. He aims to create positive recovery experiences, including programs rooted in integrity that pave a path for long-term growth.

Apologizing for the Way You Behaved

You may also have the opportunity in the future to make more direct amends with certain people in time. However, this future possibility should not keep you from working your steps. While many people are receptive and supportive to attempts to make amends, some are not. And some people in your life may not be receptive on your timeline. Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong emotions. If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9.

• No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way.
• I no longer interrogate him about his day at school, so I can give my wise advice on how to handle difficult peers.
• Similarly, making living amends means you completely change the way you live and remain committed to that lifestyle.
• However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.
• Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother.
• Step 9 is about restoring peace through self-forgiveness, forgiving others, and making amends, which is essential to recovery.
• Then, the next time around, make sure to make good on your word.

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Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer. Though we would certainly suggest she read some of our Drug rehabilitation other posts on seems like regret and self-forgiveness, we also deeply appreciate the option of a ‘living amends’. Suddenly your spinning around things you feel guilty for.

• If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor.
• The amends process either directly or indirectly, it reinforces positive behaviors, your willingness to take ownership of your actions, and any resulting consequences.
• When he handles a situation at work “the wrong way” I keep my opinion to myself.
• Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer.

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It takes courage to not only admit a wrongful behavior or action, but also face the fact that someone else suffered consequences as a result. Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother. I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said. My Mom, on the other hand, loves to complain about Ricky’s behavior.

Originally from Cleveland, Ohio, Raven’s eclectic style mirrors the diverse populations she serves. Raven graduated from Case Western Reserve University with a Masters in Social Science Administration (MSSA). Through her education, Raven learned to marry creative interventions with evidence-based practices to ensure optimal results for those she works with. Raven enjoys teaching Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) techniques.

What’s the Difference Between Apologizing and Making Amends?

I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on. If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. It is not a time to make excuses for our behavior instead, it’s an open door for the wronged person to express themselves. They get the opportunity to express how my actions affected them. When you’re ready to make amends, you can find support to guide you through the process. Connect with 12-Step treatment programs to start planning your recovery.